thisniggaugly

no seriously, what the fuck happened to me?

But when I do, it goes a little like this.

I’ve been experiencing what I believe to be an inability to show my feelings properly to certain people who deserve it more than anything from me.have I haven’t been the most courteous, and the most communicative person either, and I think of myself as despicable because of it. 

The matter of fact here is that I am terrified. I am mortified at the idea of commitment. I can’t stand hurting someone. If it doesn’t work out, then it’s on my conscience to do everything in my power to restore things to the way they were before. 

I’m running away, that’s what I’m doing right now. After working so hard to get what I wanted, and now I’m terrified of it. Sitting here reflecting of how much of a different person I grew up to be, and how many of my ideals I strayed away from, I start to think of myself as indifferent from anybody else. I turned out to be exactly what I didn’t want to be. 

I live with this feeling everyday; this feeling of uncertainty welling up in me like a river untamed, and I don’t know what to do about it. 

There’s someone who deserves more of me, and less of this half ass mother fucker that I’m being right now.